10 Fears that Keep Us from Getting What We Want in Life
There are many things that can prevent us humans from attaining what we need and want in our life. Perhaps the biggest obstacle to our success and bandwidth to really play full out in our lives is FEAR, disguised in many costumes. Fear can paralyze us. It can prevent us from making healthy decisions, from taking any action, from asking for what we want, and from taking action for what we value and need and want in our life.
When facing fears remember this: “Fear knocked at the door, and faith answered, and no one was there.” The following are the more common areas where fear shows up.
10 Common Fears
Fears, by the way, aren’t unique to you. They are universal. They are not yours. They are simply in the air. They aren’t personal until we make them our buddies.
- Fear of Failing
This has traditionally been one of the things people say they are most afraid of when asked why they did not do something or try something. It is based on “old” ideas that everything we do has to be a complete success or perfect and that there even is such a thing as failure!
- Fear of Success
As with fearing failure, many people are just as afraid of succeeding. To them, success could mean more responsibility, more attention, perhaps more liability, and a continued pressure to perform at a higher level. Many of us were taught how to be prepared for failure but not for success, so we are more afraid of it. Failure isn’t connected to our real values. Values fuel success.
- Fear of Being Judged
We grew up wanting the approval of our parents and peers. This carries through to adulthood for many, and can create real problems if the fear that others are constantly judging us keeps us from doing what we want or need to do, and from going after our dreams and our goals. Judging others or ourselves is a waste of time and serves no positive purpose. Just keep following your inspirations.
- Fear of Emotional Pain
This, like all fears, is one where we think it has to be hard. Inadequacies are dragged out like a tattered old blanket. Life is full of lessons, and within those lessons, people make mistakes and errors and experience some kind of let down. That let down does not have to turn into emotional pain nor suffering unless we give it the green light to do so. It is the perception of loss or rejection.
- Fear of Embarrassment
Most people do not like the feelings associated with making mistakes publicly, usually because they allow themselves to feel ashamed, they assume people will view them as foolish. We have the choice to allow ourselves to live full out or to be focus on the judgments or opinions of others. Connect to your own values.
- Fear of Being Alone/Abandoned
For many, the fear of being alone keeps them in relationships (personal and business) even though they are miserable. Others fear speaking their true feelings for fear their friends, colleagues, or loved ones will abandon them. The truth is, we are never really alone. If others reject us or leave us because we are honest about what we need and what we won’t tolerate, then we are better off without them. There will always be new friends, new colleagues, and new projects that welcome our contribution and ideas. As one builds a strong sense of self worth and faith in what they have to offer the world, the fear of being alone fades.
- Fear of Rejection
When we take a social or professional risk, there is usually the potential that what we say or the ideas we present could be rejected or not accepted as we had hoped. And so? The rejection of an idea or even the rejection of our behavior does not mean we are not worthy, talented in our work, or otherwise desirable. It means a person or group of people views something differently than we do. Period. So rather than feel rejection, it is productive to recognize this isn’t the right place, right people, or right timing and move on. There’s no need to drop anchor in rejection. We have a lot of other people to meet and who will accept us freely, and we also have many others who might welcome what we offer. Don’t bother to take it as a personal attack. Don’t reject yourself before others do! Risk rejection.
- Fear of Expressing Our True Feelings
Lack of a clear and honest communication has ruined more than one relationship, business or business transaction. It is vital, if we are to be successful in our life, to be able to express our true and honest feelings cleanly, without excuses or explanation. If we don’t know how we feel, then we need to pause and clarify. Blame isn’t a feeling. If we need help, ask for help. Honest, open communication, delivered with honesty and compassion, is a learned habit. Once learned, it is much easier to do, and when practiced regularly, it does more to enrich and keep our lives in balance than almost any other thing we can do.
- Fear of Intimacy
While many think of intimacy as having sexual connotations, it really encompasses much more. It is actually the highest and best form of connection with another person. Most importantly, true intimacy is made up of unconditional positive regard for the people with whom we share it. Unconditional positive regard is not easy for many to learn, but it is a must for true intimacy.
- Fear of The Unknown
Life is full of unknowns. We can know what our values, needs and standards are, and use them to determine what we are willing to spend our time and money on throughout our life. This includes some risks, but so does driving a car, crossing the street, or playing any sport. If we stay in the present moment, we will not allow the fears from the past to influence us. Don’t allow yourself to think into the future and worry. It’s healthy to address the “what if’s” in a healthy manner. We refine our focus that way. The unknown can be exciting and vast in a very positive way, especially if we use our common sense, our intuition and our values, and our standards as a barometer to guide us from moment to moment, day to day, and project to project. Don’t be afraid to pursue worthy aspirations.
Isn’t it time to break-up with these fears?
They certainly don’t nourish your power or your joy. Right? Which one will you break up with this month?